Read everything that I send you.  Seriously, put your phone on mute, put out the cat so that it can’t distract you with some determined leg weaving and take the time to sit down with a cup of coffee and read through every little thing that either involves the job that you applied for or that I have sent you directly.

This is because when you apply for an anonymous role based on an admittedly vague job spec that is designed to be nothing more than the baited hook with which I reel you in, I then send you an email from my work account with my company auto signature below my sign off listing our website, promotional video links and giving you a little more info on who we are and what we do.

After you respond positively to this little titbit of information and indicate your interest in pursuing further and I then email again including a PDF attachment of the actual job spec in all its gloriously detailed entirety with a big-ass company logo at the top of the page.My face when...

This is not the point at which you email me asking what the company name is.

This is because you have now forced me to assume that not only were you dropped at birth, but were also football-punted across the room by a nurse who wanted to pursue a sports career until they got railroaded by a leg injury and now spends their days receiving football-sized bundles of life into the world.

Your Mum may cut the crusts off your sandwiches before she hands the plate to you and you may think that the internet is nothing but your source of porn and Facebook, however if you are applying for a job with a company that will not micro-manage you to the extent that you clearly need and that will require you to engage the sorely unused grey cells and *gasp* think for yourself without first being able to check what your friends say you should do, then asking me to give you more info when all the answers are simply a hyperlink away displays a shockingly scary lack of initiative and therefore I wish you all the best in your continued career at *insert fast food chain here*.

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